What did I say about consistency and dedication...

Yup, truly lacking in it.
I have to say though, that I didn't foresee that I'd be so busy...
Thought that I'd be able to handle things, but evidently I'm still very bad at managing time...
I do hope that I'll manage to get back more control with organizing my life (not as dramatic/emo as that sounds), especially since things are starting to become more important now.
I'm definitely slacking less compared to last time, which makes me wonder how did I manage to cope with all my stuff last time when I put in so little effort and time...


Whenever I look at my cosplay plans, I feel nauseous cause of  nervousness.
OTL

Melancholy?

I find that the happier I am, the more prone I am to feel down almost immediately.
:\
It's like, if an emotion is strong, all other emotions will flare up as well, and I'll feel happy, sad, jaded, satiated, many emotions at once.
In that sense, I prefer being nonchalant...
However, I do feel that I lack passion in my life.
I feel that I'm not competitive enough, that I don't strive to be what I'm capable of being.
No, I know it; I know that I a much better person than I allow myself to be, and the only person to be blame is obviously myself.
I've known this fact for years, but still, no effort is made.
Another issue is that I don't get inspired easily, and even if I do, it's for a very short time.
The reason behind this, I dare say, is that when I was young, I didn't want to become an easily influenced or swayed person.
In a way, I think I fear passion.

*sigh*

Sometimes I wonder what am I doing.
I wonder what should I be doing.
I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing.
Then five minutes later my emo period ends.
OTL
CAN'T I AT LEAST HAVE A NORMAL DEPRESSION STYLE!?


Something's stuck in my eye.
>: